“Resilience is accepting your new reality, even if it’s less good than the one you had before.” ― Elizabeth Edwards

In the more than 40 years of living with bilateral sensorineural hearing loss (SNHL), I have never been part of any support groups. When I started writing my book Silent Courage: An Introvert’s Authentic Journey With Hearing Loss, I realised the value of joining a support group for people with hearing loss.

Besides my brother, who also has hearing loss, I’ve seldom come into contact with other people with hearing loss since I went to a mainstream school. Before the Internet, there were also fewer opportunities since it was harder to find these groups, and your location binds you.

I’ve recently joined a Facebook group for people with SNHL. It is validating to discover that other people face the same challenges. However, I also realised that many people have it worse than me.

As a passionate reader and book reviewer, I eagerly signed up for the ARC team of Nin Mok’s Suddenly Silent and Still. This is her memoir of her sudden and permanent hearing loss and ongoing battle with tinnitus and vertigo.

Imagine living the good life with a husband you love, two children you adore, and a career you excel at. And then suddenly, you lose it all because of a cold virus going rogue, putting an end to life as you know it.

Nin Mok went through the complete process of grief – mourning her hearing and the life she lost. Not giving in to her feelings of helplessness and denial, Nin set out to create order from her life’s chaos.

I changed to the point that I could not recognise myself. Nothing remained the same, not my temperament, capabilities, confidence, or dreams. I had to work with this woman I no longer knew to reclaim my life.
– Nin Mok. Suddenly-silent-and-still (Kindle Locations 49-51). Kindle Edition.

This process caused a shift in her values and the goals she set for herself. Ultimately, although her life has become so much different and often challenging, Nin realised that she is happier than before and that this setback has enabled her to spend more time with her children and build the family life she always wanted.

Suddenly Silent and Still is a profound book that resonated with me in many ways. I can’t imagine living with constant tinnitus and vertigo. Nin’s courage and resilience resonated deeply with me, and I love to share this brave woman’s impact on me.

10 Takeaways From Suddenly Silent and Still

1. We think we are in control and can plan our future. However, there are no guarantees, and your life can change instantly.
2. We all need to work to make a living, but ensure you make your family your priority. When Nin lost her career, her husband and children gave her life meaning and purpose.
3. Be careful of positive psychology. Often, choosing happiness is beneficial, but in a situation like Nin’s, where even the most straightforward task is a battle, there are no easy solutions.
4. Demanding situations and challenges will show you your natural strength and courage.
5. Your health is priceless, and you can suffer challenges at any time. Take care of yourself through the proper diet and exercise.
6. Challenging times put a lot of stress on a marriage, especially when it becomes permanent, like Nin’s ongoing vertigo. Communication between you and your partner about your feelings is crucial. Finding humour in challenging situations is excellent for relieving tension and creating a small pocket of joy, as Tom did for Nin.
7. Don’t hesitate to ask for a second opinion and look for a compassionate doctor. The research found that when you are told the worst-case scenario outright, it negatively affects the brain-body connection and hinders healing.
8. Nin discovered that doctors and patients have different goals. The doctor wants to get their patients well at all costs, while the patients may only want to live a quality life. When these goals are at odds with each other, you should consider and discuss with your doctor what is best for you.
9. No situations are only negative, and looking for the positive can help you cope better. For example, Nin started putting her children on the side of her deaf ear when eating. It enabled her to converse with her husband without the distraction of the noise her children made.
10. Trauma happens when a tragedy overwhelms a person, leaving them unable to cope. Nobody’s trauma is bigger or smaller than another person’s, and only the cause is different.

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After finishing Suddenly Silent and Still, I realised how much I had to be grateful for. Although I grew up with bilateral SNHL, I can hear with both ears due to my hearing aids. I don’t suffer from tinnitus, and although I sometimes can be clumsy, I don’t have debilitating vertigo.

We all have challenges, but like Nin Mok, we can be warriors, fighting the battle, even if it means small daily victories. Life often throws us curve balls, but if we focus on our most significant values, treasure the people in our lives, and draw from our inner strength, we can take them on with courage and resilience.

This tragedy will give your life a story worth telling. You have lost your hearing and balance for now. In time, you will lose your entire body. And on that day, you can reflect and truly say you have led an interesting life of depth, worthy of capturing in the pages of a book, to be told and retold.
– Nin Mok. Suddenly-silent-and-still (Kindle Locations 2498-2500). Kindle Edition.

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